


falling stars

by rising__sun24601



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Injury, M/M, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Scars, Sleepy Cuddles, What am i doing akjnskjskjhskh, san needs hugs, seonghwa is literally the mom friend, woosan but they’re very much in denial
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:09:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28815426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rising__sun24601/pseuds/rising__sun24601
Summary: Everything had been going great. They’d spent ages practicing the choreography, making it perfect. Of course accidents and mistakes happen in performances, it’s unavoidable, but no one had expected this.Wooyoung gets hurt and San is scared he’ll never be able to tell him how he feelsim horrible at summaries-
Relationships: Choi San & Everyone, Choi San & Jeong Yunho, Choi San & Park Seonghwa, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Y’all I haven’t posted anything in like a year and now im back with a raging kpop obsession-

Everything had been going great. They’d spent ages practicing the choreography, making it perfect. Of course accidents and mistakes happen in performances, it’s unavoidable, but no one had expected this. What had started as Wooyoung loosing his footing and stumbling a little bit had lead to him full on tripping and tumbling off the stage, flipping head over heels and landing on his back at a weird angle.

It was like San’s whole world had come crashing down around him. He couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears as he ran to the side of the stage Wooyoung had fallen over. He wanted to run to his side, but something picked him up and held him, preventing him from doing so. He screamed and kicked against whatever was stopping him from getting to Wooyoung, but whoever it was kept a tight told on him.

“San,” the man said softly, the sadness evident in his voice cutting in through the ringing filling San’s head. “Sannie please calm down.”

San kept struggling, he had to get to Wooyoung. The once clear path to the fallen man was now crowded by people. San felt hot tears run down his face as the exhaustion finally caught up to him and he stopped struggling. His knees gave out from under him and he would’ve fallen had the man not been holding San so tightly against his chest.

“Sannie please listen to me,” he begged. Now that the ringing was starting to die down and San’s brain was working 2% more he recognised the voice as Yunho.

“Yunho?” He asked, his voice sounding broken.

“Yeah it’s me,” the man behind him confirmed, turning San around to engulf the smaller in a hug, but San’s arms remained hanging limply at his sides. “Hongjoong told me to get you...”

“W-why?”

“He knew you’d try to pick him up or move him,” Yunho explained, keeping his voice soft which San was grateful for. “He could’ve broken his back, you moving him could’ve made it worse.”

San wanted to feel betrayed that they thought he’d hurt Wooyoung, but he realised his first instinct probably would’ve been to pull the younger into his arms. He let out a shaky sigh as he slowly moved to wrap his arms around Yunho.

“I’m sorry, Sannie,” Yunho whispered as he rubbed San’s back. 

“Can I see him now p-please?” San asked softly. He felt Yunho nod and the second he felt the taller man’s arms release him he pushed through a crowd of people to get to Wooyoung.

He couldn’t hold back the broken sob that fell from his lips when he laid eyes on the still, unmoving form of the man he loved most. 

“San...” Hongjoong started but his voice faltered and he didn’t say anything after Seonghwa placed a hand on the leader’s shoulder. San slowly walked to where Wooyoung was sprawled across the floor and sunk to his knees by his best friend’s head. He reached out a shaky hand towards Wooyoung’s face, but Yunho’s words about how touching him could make it worse filled his mind and he put his hand in his lap instead.

“The ambulance will be here in a few minutes they just need a clear path to get to him,” Yeosang announced as he came running past Seonghwa and Hongjoong. “Jongho can you help me?”

The youngest nodded shakily before running after Yeosang to get a lot of the scared Atiny out of the way. San came to the sudden realisation that it hadn’t even been 10 minutes since Wooyoung had fallen. Time had been moving so slowly. 

Yunho and Mingi and started helping getting Atiny out of the way and San could faintly hear Yunho politely asking a fan to stop filming, which made San see red. How could anyone keep filming after something like this??? Could they not respect Wooyoung’s privacy??? San buried his face in his hands and let out a few shaky breaths. He turned his head up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“He’s gonna be okay,” Seonghwa smiled comfortingly at him. Damn Seonghwa always making him feel like things would be okay when they so clearly weren’t. What if Wooyoung never woke up? What if he did but he could never dance again? What if he died?

The countless possibilities for what could happen to Wooyoung spun around his head until San found he could no longer breathe. Oh God he couldn’t breathe- Panicked, he clawed at his throat in desperate attempt to not feel like he was being choked. He pulled on his t-shirt to try to relieve the pressure around his neck. Everything was spinning, it was too bright, too loud, he couldn’t focus on anything. It felt like he was spiralling out of control. He covered his ears with his hands and rocked back and forth trying to get everything to stop.

“Sannie,” a soft voice said, “Sannie, can you look at me?”

San kept his eyes squeezed shut as his body was jarred by the sudden impact with the floor. He couldn’t breathe, he kept trying but he couldn’t get any air.

“Oh my god is he ok???”

“What happened???”

“San!”

“Everyone back up!!” one of the voices screamed, making San curl in on himself in fear. He still couldn’t get any air into his lungs and he was starting to feel like he was gonna pass out. Whoever had screamed knelt down next to San and carefully moved him so San was leaning into his chest. San kept his eyes squeezed firmly shut.

“Sannie can you look at me please?” The man asked gently, his voice muffled by the fact that San had yet to remove his hands from his ears.

San didn’t really know what was happening above him, he only caught snippets of conversation.

“One of you can come with him.”

“It should be San... Sannie do you want to go with Wooyoung?” A pause. “I don’t think he can hear, I’ll go.”

A longer pause.

“You guys should head back to the rooms, I can stay here with San.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

San could hear some of what was going on but his ind couldn’t make any sense of it and he couldn’t figure out how to open his mouth and say anything. The person holding him never loosened their grip and kept rubbing his back soothingly. They kept asking him questions but eventually stopped when San hadn’t answered a single one.

Eventually San’s breathing had levelled out and he found himself being extremely tired. But he should probably let whoever was here with him know he was ok. But he was really tired... But they’d stayed here with him for god knows how long....

“T-thank y-you,” he stammered, his voice hoarse from screaming earlier. 

“Oh hey you’re awake!” Seonghwa smiled at him when San opened his eyes to look up at whoever was hugging him. The first thing he noticed was that he was on the floor leaning into Seonghwa of all people, second was that they were the only ones there. “Feeling ok?”

“Tired,” he admitted, yawning a little. Seonghwa helped him stand up. 

“C’mon let’s get you back to the hotel, yeah?”

“Is Wooyoung okay?” San asked as Seonghwa helped him walk out.

“Hongjoong hasn’t texted me,” the other admitted, worry for both his boyfriend and Wooyoung clear on his face. Hongjoong and Seonghwa had been secretly dating for a while now. And by secretly San meant all of Ateez knew and half of Atiny had figured it out by now.

“Oh...” San said softly.

“He’ll be ok, Sannie,” Seonghwa assured him. “He’s pretty strong.”

“Do... do you know where he’s hurt?”

“I think he hit his head and shoulders? Maybe his upper back. The paramedics weren’t entirely sure.”

“Oh...”

The whole car ride back to the hotel San didn’t speak a word. Seonghwa kept trying to say something but ended up changing his mind and staying silent instead. 

When he got to the room he shared with Mingi he was immediately hugged tightly the second he walked through the door. He didn’t say anything as he slowly wrapped his arms around Mingi in return, burying his face in the taller man’s shoulder with a shaky sigh. He noticed Yeosang sitting on Mingi’s bed looking like he’d just finished having a mental breakdown, but Yeosang still sent him a wave an a small smile. San waved back. 

“God, San, I was so worried, Seonghwa wasn’t answering any of my texts,” Mingi rambled, “are you ok? Did something happen? Can you breathe ok now? You look like you can breathe okay now... But then again you looked like you could breathe okay two seconds before you fell and suddenly couldn’t breathe. I was-“

“Mingi, give him a little space, you’re going to stress him out,” Yeosang laughed slightly. Mingi let go of San and held him out at arms length.

“I’m ok,” San assured him. “Just tired.”

“Promise?” Mingi asked.

“Promise.”

“I can go now if you want,” Yeosang told him, “I just didn’t want to-“

“Be in your room alone?” San finished for him. Yeosang nodded. “It’s ok, Sangie, you can stay.” 

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Absolutely,” San smiled at him. 

“I can sleep on the floor,” Yeosang offered but San shook his head. 

“Take my bed, I don’t think I’ll be sleeping tonight.”

Which was a total lie. San felt like he was two seconds from dropping dead and all he wanted to do was sleep, but he’d clearly walked in on Yeosang and Mingi having a private conversation and he didn’t want Yeosang to have to go back to his room without... without Wooyoung. He’d find somewhere else to sleep, or maybe he’d stay up and try to get some news on Wooyoung from Hongjoong. 

“San, I-“ Yeosang tried to protest but San cut him off.

“No it’s ok. I think I might go for a walk? Just wanna use the shower first if that’s ok?” He asked, looking at Mingi in case the other wanted to shower first.

“It’s your room, of course its ok,” Yeosang told him at the same time Mingi said he’d showered earlier.

“Oh ok, thanks.” San gathered what he needed before heading into the bathroom. Once he stepped into the room he locked the door and rested his back against it with a sigh. Looking into the bathroom mirror he cringed at how absolutely awful he looked. His eyes were bloodshot and his makeup and smeared a little under his eyes, making him look like a racoon. 

As he undressed he spotted all the scars on his thighs and hips, the freshest being about 8 months old. Wooyoung had found him cutting one day and he’d been the one to stop him. He’d taken the razor from San’s hands and thrown it out before cleaning and bandaging San’s cuts. 

“Sannie, love, what happened?” He’d asked San, so gently it made the other start crying. “Oh no please don’t cry, Sannie, I just want to understand what happened so I can help you.”

San had sat there crying, unable to tell Wooyoung that he’d been so angry with himself for being unable to tell him he loved him, so San had taken it out on his thighs.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry,” He had stuttered, crying into his hands.

“Oh Sannie...” Wooyoung had wrapped his arms around San and told him that next time he should come to him before he cut. He’d promised they’d figure it out together.

San hadn’t cut since that day.

He didn’t know how he’d gotten the razor in his hand so fast but he did. He dropped it in fear, the clattering of the blade against the tile sending goosebumps up his body. It took a few seconds for the pain to hit him and he realised suddenly he’d cut his hand.

“Fuck...” He grimaced, listening to the patter of his blood hitting the floor. He pressed his hand into a towel. He was a disaster.

“San? You okay in there?” Mingi asked, rapping his knuckles on the door.

“Yup!” San answered, a little too cheerfully.

“You haven’t even turned on the water yet-“

“I was just thinking!”

“Oh ok-“ Mingi left and San let out a huge sigh of relief. He turned on the shower and quickly washed up, ignoring the intense burning in his hand when it came into contact with the soap. After his shower he quickly dried off and got dressed before cleaning the blood off the floor and wrapping his hand in some toilet paper. He hid the bloody towel with another towel and went to put his clothes back in his suitcase when he found Mingi and Yeosang had fallen asleep.

Not wanting to disturb them, he carefully snuck out of the room before grabbing his phone, taking the bloody towel with him. He walked through the hall, cursing when he noticed his hand was bleeding through the toilet paper. How deep had he cut his hand??

Instinctively he walked to Wooyoung and Yeosang’s room and he was about to knock before he realised no one would be there. He needed help with his hand but he really didn’t want to bother anyone... As if he could hear his thoughts, San’s phone buzzed with a text from Seonghwa asking if he was doing ok. San debated lying and saying he was fine but he realised that Hongjoong wasn’t here so if he  did go to Seonghwa for help, he wouldn’t bother anyone else.

He found himself knocking on Seonghwa’s door a few minutes later.

“Oh hey, Sannie!” Seonghwa greeted cheerfully. “What’s up?”

San didn’t say anything he just showed Seonghwa his blood soaked, toilet paper wrapped hand as if it would explain everything.

“Oh my god what did you do to your hand?!” Seonghwa shrieked, making San flinch at the sudden loud noise.

“I cut it?”

“I see that-“ Seonghwa dragged San into his room, shutting the door behind them before guiding San over to the sink where he could better see the cut. It was a mess getting the toilet paper off San’s hand as it became sticky with blood and stuck to his hand in various places.

“Sorry-“ San whispered, his voice getting lost in the sound of water hitting the bottom of the sink.

“How’d this happen, Sannie?” Seonghwa asked kindly so as not to scare San away. He knew Seonghwa knows about him cutting himself. He knew the other probably thought this was a relapse. Was it? San didn’t know... He  thought it was an accident but was it really?

“I... I don’t know,” he lied, feeling guilty immediately.

Seonghwa saw right through him. “Are there any others?”

“No,” San shook his head as Seonghwa finally got the last of the toilet paper off of San’s hand. The cut didn’t look as deep as San thought it was even though it had bled a lot. 

“Wait here ok? I’m gonna get some bandages and disinfectant stuff.” San just nodded as Seonghwa left him alone in the bathroom. He was leaning heavily on the counter, suddenly realising how tired his legs were. He wanted to go to sleep so badly, his eyes hurt trying to keep them open.

He didn’t realise that he was literally falling asleep standing up until he felt Seonghwa’s hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep on me, Sannie, I’m almost done ok?” 

San was so out of it when Seonghwa disinfected his cut and wrapped it that he didn’t even realise he’d finished until he was guiding San over to Hongjoong’s bed. San’s thoughts were so jumbled from being sleep deprived but he was able to piece together enough thoughts to wonder why Hongjoong even had a bed if everyone knew he just slept with Seonghwa anyways?

“Lemme know if you need anything else ok?” Seonghwa asked but San didn’t answer because he was asleep the second his head hit the pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaah i’m sorry this is really short- and it kinda sucks-
> 
> also trigger warning

San awoke the next morning with a loud groan. His head felt like someone had bashed it with a pan and the palm his hand stung where he’d cut it. Why did his head hurt so bad? Maybe it was all the crying he’d done yesterday. Or maybe it was because he’d banged it into the shower wall for a bit? Had he fallen? Honestly he couldn’t really remember. Most of yesterday was a blur. The only clear details were how Wooyoung had fallen, landing on his back before laying perfectly still as if he were nothing but a corpse, and the way his blood had spattered against the tile before he’d gone to Seonghwa’s room and the older man had bandaged it nicely for him.  Ignoring the sunlight streaming directly into his eyes, because why would this earth be nice to him for once, he stretched his back, sighing when it cracked.

“Oh you’re up!” Seonghwa’s cheerful voice rang through the room. San winced, not ready or prepared for such optimism this early. Not that he didn’t love optimism. But he was just in the mood to eat icecream out of the container with his stuffed animals and cry.

“What time is it?” San asked groggily, running a hand through his hair in desperate attempt to not look like a disaster. 

“Around 10,” Hongjoong answered him. San’s head snapped in the direction the man’s voice had come from. He hadn’t seen him at first because Hongjoong was laying on Seonghwa’s other side, resting his head on Seonghwa’s shoulder. 

A million questions flooded San’s mind and he wanted to ask them all, but in his panic and curiosity he ended up jumbling all his questions together and ended up saying, “Is... ok...Wooyoung???” 

Hongjoong’s laugh rang through the hotel room. Well Wooyoung  had to be ok if Hongjoong was in such a good mood... right?

“He’s gonna be ok, Sannie,” he assured him. 

San collapsed back onto his bed with a sigh of relief. He felt like crying. Wooyoung was gonna be ok. Everything was gonna be ok. 

“Did... what... what happened to him?” San managed to get out.

“He fell on his shoulders and upper back,” Hongjoong explained as he sat up. Seonghwa sighed from the loss of weight on his shoulder and the sudden cold he felt now that Hongjoong was no longer pressed against his side. “They don’t think he broke anything, which is amazing, but they’re pretty sure he’s got concussion.”

“What do you mean pretty sure? They’re medical professionals shouldn’t they know?” San asked, fiddling with the bandage around his hand. After receiving a stern look from Seonghwa he dropped both hands into his lap.

“Well he hasn’t woke up yet,” Hongjoong told him carefully. San felt his heart drop. Wooyoung had hit his head when he’d fallen and he hadn’t woken up since he fell. Usually when people hit their head and don’t wake up... No... No Wooyoung was gonna be ok. Hongjoong said he would. He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t going to die. He COULDN’T die.

“Sannie, hey, it’s ok yeah? Can you look at me please?”

San lifted his head to find Seonghwa standing right in front of him with a hand on San’s shoulder. He hadn’t even realised he’d started spiralling down with his thoughts and he hadn’t noticed Seonghwa walk over, a worried looking Hongjoong standing over his shoulder.

“He’ll be ok, San,” Hongjoong promised. “We just gotta wait for him to wake up.”

“What if he doesn’t...” San’s voice was so quiet it was barely heard.

“He will,” Seonghwa assured. “I know he will.”

The next few days went by in a blur. San woke up, ate a little bit, and then worked on the dances until he was seconds from passing out. It was the only thing he knew how to do really. Wooyoung still hadn’t woke up, and no one was allowed to go see him. The managers thought it would be best if they didn’t. San called bull shit but no one listened to what he had to say. Why would they? After all he wasn’t in “sound mind”, he was spiralling out of control. 

He wasn’t really eating meals anymore, just a few short snacks here and there, and due to him overworking himself he’d definitely lost a little weight. Not that he cared, but people were starting to notice. 

“C’mon you’ve gotta eat,” Yeosang told him, trying to hand him a cookie.

“Not hungry.” He almost lost his footing trying to bend back but he’d been able to twist around at the last second, landing roughly on his knees instead. He let out a loud groan as he rolled onto his back, rubbing his knees in pain.

“Okay that’s it,” Yeosang laughed humourlessly. “I’m getting Seonghwa to carry your ass out of here.

“Don’t.”

“Then come with me to eat something proper!” Yeosang glared at him.

“Not hungry.” He rolled back onto his knees with a grunt of pain before pushing himself up so he was standing, shooting a glare back at Yeosang.

“Look,” Yeosang said, his voice softer, “we all miss Wooyoung and we’re all worried, but you’re running yourself into the ground.”

San couldn’t deny it, if he kept doing this he knew he’d run into trouble. He also knew if he kept pushing everyone away no one would be there to catch him when he fell. But part of him didn’t want anyone to be there to catch him. It would be so much easier if he could just run and run until he couldn’t get up anymore. But on the other hand he knew full well that Yeosang would get Seonghwa to physically remove him, and that was the last thing San wanted.

“I suppose you won’t leave me alone if I just take the cookie?” San asked.

“Nope.”

San let out a long sigh and ran a hand through his messy hair. 

“Fine but I’m showering first,” he told Yeosang. The other’s eyes lit up.

“Great! We’re getting takeout and eating it in Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s room, they wanted to watch a movie,” he smiled, heading towards the door.

“Woah woah woah,” San laughed dryly, “you said absolutely nothing about a movie.”

“Oh come on,” Yeosang groaned as he turned back to face San. “We haven’t see you in days, Sannie. You bury yourself down here and we miss you.”

San dropped to the floor with a dramatic sigh. “Fine.”

And that’s how San found himself sitting on the floor watching some movie while Seonghwa and Hongjoong fell asleep on each other and Yunho and Mingi curled up with each other too. Yeosang and Jongho took pictures to use for blackmail and usually in this kind of situation San would be asleep with his head on Wooyoung’s shoulder except Wooyoung wasn’t here.

San’s eyes started watering as he remembered all the movie night’s he’d fallen asleep practically in Wooyoung’s lap and the younger hadn’t done anything about it. 

“Sannnnnnnnn,” Wooyoung would laugh as San would put his head on the other’s lap.

San wouldn’t answer, he’d just smile to himself as Wooyoung’s laugh rang through the room. God he loved that laugh so much.

“What are you doing,” Wooyoung would always ask, even though both of them knew exactly what it was San was after.

“Hold me, Ani,” San would say dramatically, “hold me like you did on Naboo.”

Wooyoung always erupted with laughter, no matter how many times San said the horrid reference. Then he’d laugh and say how San was a much better actor than the girl in the movie before giving San what he was really after. And they would fall asleep like that, with San’s head resting on Wooyoung’s chest, one of the younger’s hands playing with San’s hair.

He missed the simplicity of it... Which is why he’d never plucked up the courage to tell Wooyoung he loved him as more than a friend. Because what if things changed? What if he didn’t want to be around San anymore? He couldn’t loose Wooyoung. Which is why he couldn’t tell him how he felt. Not that he’d be getting that chance any time soon.

A hand on his shoulder jolted him out of his thoughts. He looked up to find Yunho.

“How are you doing, Sannie?” He asked kindly, sitting down next to San, pulling him into a hug and resting his head on top of San’s.

“I’m ok,” San lied, the sudden warmth making him sleepy. He could hear Mingi moving around as he tried to figure out where his boyfriend had gone.

“You sure?” Yunho backed away a little so he could look at San.

“I’m sure,” he smiled softly. 

Yunho gave him another quick hug before going back to the half-awake Mingi. The tiredness didn’t leave San and he laid down on the floor and closed his eyes, falling asleep soon after.

“San please, you need to take a break. Please come rest,” Mingi begged him on the twentieth day after the concert. The twentieth day after Wooyoung had fallen...

“In a bit,” San told him, with no intent to rest until he got the choreography perfect.

“San please,” Mingi pleaded with him. “You’re going to run yourself into the ground. Please just come back to the room and rest a bit.”

“I will in a bit,” he repeated. Mingi left with a sigh knowing he’d never get San to take a break. No, the only one who could do that was currently unconscious in a hospital bed. 

San kept running the dance over and over again, screaming in frustration when he just couldn’t get it right. What was wrong with him?? He’d been practicing non stop for hours why couldn’t he get it right??? Was he that much of a disappointment?Eventually the weight of his thoughts caught up to him and his body started to feel too heavy to keep up. He collapsed, curling in on himself as he laid crying on the studio floor. 

“Hyung?” Came a soft voice. San curled in on himself further. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and his whole body relaxed involuntarily. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” he replied, his voice wrecked from all the screaming earlier. “Who sent you to come get me?”

“I came on my own,” Jongho told him as he shuffled around to sit in front of San without taking his hand off the older’s arm.

“Oh,” San said softly. “Well you don’t have to stay, you should go sleep.”

“So should you, hyung,” he sighed. “Everyone’s really worried about you.”

“I don’t need you to be,” San snapped. “Just leave me alone ok??” 

San couldn’t ignore the hurt in Jongho’s eyes and he immediately felt like shit the second those words had come pouring out of his mouth.

“Jongho I...” he started but the younger cut him off by holding up a hand.

“It’s ok, San,” he smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes like usual. He slowly stood up, his hand leaving San’s shoulder as he headed towards the door. San sat up and watched as Jongho left, his head hanging down slightly.

“Jongho-“ San tried again but he was cut off again.

“Just come back tonight please? Don’t sleep down here again,” the younger called over his shoulder as he left.

To say San felt like shit would be a gross understatement. He snapped at Jongho and hurt his feelings when he’d just been trying to make sure San took care of himself. As he threw his stuff in his bag and headed back to the room he shared with Mingi he couldn’t shake the image of Jongho looking so hurt from his mind. 

He didn’t say anything to Mingi as he shut the door behind him, a little too forcefully, nor did he say a word when he heard a startled shriek from Yunho when he’d walked while Mingi had a hand up Yunho’s shirt. He didn’t even make eye contact when Yunho turned a rather aggressive shade of red and buried his face in the pillow. He simply announced to Mingi that he was taking a shower and grabbed his stuff before heading to the bathroom.

He leaned his back on the door and sank all the way down to the tiled floor. Before he knew it, he had his razor in his hand, the blade pressing against the gauze Seonghwa had so kindly wrapped around his hand earlier that day since his cut hadn’t fully healed as San kept reopening it every time he moved his hand weird.

‘Do I really want to do this?’ He asked himself. He’d gone so long without cutting, he’d made Wooyoung proud of him. But Wooyoung wasn’t here right now... And San didn’t know when he’d be back. ‘I deserve it...’

Slowly he let the blade sink into his leg, letting out a shuddering breath at the sensation. It wasn’t pleasure but it wasn’t pain either. It was... release. As the blood dripped down his thigh, the tension left his body. He hopped in the shower, blood still trickling out of the wound. He grimaced at the sting, but couldn’t help but be transfixed at the pink tinted water that hit the floor of his shower. Quickly, he finished washing up.

The cut on his leg had stopped bleeding for the most part. San carefully unwrapped the soaked gauze around his hand. He debated going back to Seonghwa to get it rewrapped, but he didn’t want to waste any more of his time. After cleaning up the bathroom and gathering his things, he headed back into his room to find Mingi and Yunho asleep with the latter resting his head on Mingi’s chest. San decided to head over to Yeosang and Wooyoung’s room, knowing neither of them would be there since Yeosang was most likely with Jongho. He just wanted to be alone, and since the room would be empty he wouldn’t be bothering anyone.

What he was not expecting was to find a familiar man lounged out on his bed, the moonlight reflecting in his circle glasses, hitting him at just the right angle to make him look all the more beautiful. How he’d missed that beautiful face. The man let out a soft laugh when he saw San and San’s heart fluttered a bit, and he couldn’t help the stream of tears that started pouring down his face when he heard that sound. A sound he hadn’t heard in twenty days.

“Hey, Sannie,” Wooyoung said with a soft smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides in shame* dont kill me-


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaah its even shorter than last time im so sorry-

“Wooyoung???” San asked, his jaw dropping as he looked at the man in front of him. It... it couldn’t be... Wooyoung was hurt... He’d fallen on his back and he’d been in the hospital for the past twenty days. San had to be hallucinating, there was no other way. But he looked so real. Everything about him perfect, except a few fingerprint smudges on his glasses that San could see due to the reflection of the moon light.

“Yeah,” he nodded, his smile growing bigger. San remained frozen in the doorway, his body still recovering from the shock, not yet complying with his brain’s wish to run over to Wooyoung and hug him.

“B-but you... I... no... you... y-you f-fell...” San managed to get out, his knees starting to wobble as he took a careful step inside the room. He had to be hallucinating. Yeosang, Mingi, Jongho, everyone else, they’d kept telling him to take a break or he’d run himself into the ground. Well now he was hallucinating. Guess they’d been right all along.

“Yeah, and believe me when I tell you it sucked,” the other man laughed. “My head hurt for days and my shoulder is still fucked up.”

San carefully shut the door behind him which suddenly felt incredibly heavy. It wasn’t that late at night, even though Mingi and Yunho had already fallen asleep in his room. He wondered when Yeosang had left his and Wooyoung’s room and if he’d see him here as San was seeing him now. San shook his head violently and blinked, trying to get the image of Wooyoung to leave, but it didn’t. It stayed. 

“Sannie?” Wooyoung asked softly, grunting in pain as he readjusted himself to a sitting position. “Is something wrong?”

There were many ways San could’ve answered that question. He could’ve straight up lied, he could’ve told Wooyoung about what he did to his leg which was still stinging when it came into contact with his pant leg, or he could tell him about how it was impossible for him to be here meaning Wooyoung was nothing more than a hallucination. But San did none of those things. Instead he collapsed, knees hitting the floor first before he ducked down, curling over his legs as sobs wracked his body. 

He heard another groan of pain from across the room before the sound of bare feet on a wood floor. Damn was this a solid hallucination, San must be extremely overworked and exhausted if his brain was also producing small details like the sound of Wooyoung walking. Nothing could’ve prepared him for the sudden weight he felt on his back as Wooyoung wrapped an arm around him and laid his head on San’s back. San let out a shaky gasp and lifted his head before sitting up.

The other man pulled back to look at San, and it was then, sitting so close, that San could see those little imperfections that made him real and not fake. He could see the dark bags under Wooyoung’s eyes that the other had attempted to cover with makeup, and he could see how his face had become thinner, more angular in places. A few pieces of hair were sticking in absurd directions. He was real... San wasn’t going crazy. 

“C-can I... Can I hug y-you?” San asked, his voice soft and shaky. 

“Of course Sannie,” Wooyoung smiled as he leaned forwards and wrapped his arms around San. He was warm, and San could feel his breath on his ear. Slowly and he wrapped his arms around Wooyoung, careful and determined to not hurt the other. Gently, San turned his head so he could rest it on the younger man’s shoulder.

“You’re real,” San sighed, sounding kinda stupid.

“Of course I’m real,” the other laughed, a sound that brought tears to San’s eyes. Not because he was upset, but because he was so damn happy. Wooyoung was here, he was okay. “Careful with my shoulder though, Sannie, it still hurts.”

San’s head shot up immediately and he backed away from Wooyoung. “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry.”

“Hey no, it’s ok,” the other assured him. “You didn’t hurt me I promise.” 

He leaned back in to hug San and San let him, but he held Wooyoung even lighter than he had the first time, scared of hurting him.

“Hey it’s getting late, we should probably go to bed,” Wooyoung laughed, backing away from San and standing up with a grimace. The pained look was barely on his face for a second and had San not been watching him intently the whole time he would’ve missed it. The younger held out a hand to help San to his feet, but San didn’t take it, helping himself up instead. He didn’t want to cause any more strain on Wooyoung’s shoulders than he had to.

“I can head back to my room,” San said quietly. As much as he wanted to stay this wasn’t his room and he didn’t want to bother Wooyoung. He turned and headed towards the door when he felt something grab his wrist lightly.

“You can stay... If you want,” the younger man said, his voice uncharacteristically soft and fragile sounding. “I mean you don’t have to obviously, I’m not like... demanding you stay but you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“You want me to stay?” San asked quietly, turning around to face Wooyoung. It was then he noticed the other’s eyes starting to pool with tears and the hand on San’s wrist was shaking slightly. Was he... scared??

“Again you don’t have to if you don’t want to, you’re more than welcome to leave, I don’t mind, in fact-“ he started rambling but San cut him off.

“Wooyoung,” he whispered. “Do you want me to stay?”

“...yes please,” came the soft reply.

And so that is how San found himself asleep on Wooyoung’s bed with the younger man curled against him, his head on San’s chest. And that was how he woke up the next morning, flat on his back, one of Wooyoung’s arms draped over his stomach, and a ray of sunshine streaming directly into his face. But San didn’t care. He’d wake up with the sun blinding him every single day for the rest of his life if it meant he could wake up like this, with Wooyoung pressed against his side.

Gently, so he didn’t wake him up, San brushed a strand of hair out of Wooyoung’s eyes. Of course Wooyoung was actually awake and he just looked up at San with a soft smile.

“Good morning,” he smiled, closing his eyes again as he pulled himself closer to San. 

“How’s your shoulder?” San asked, not wanting to move much in case he hurt the other.

“‘s fine,” Wooyoung mumbled into San’s chest. San had trouble believing him. But he didn’t question the other. He just stayed there, carding his hands through Wooyoung’s hair as he slowly fell back asleep.

“OH MY FUCK!” 

A loud scream woke up San and he sat up abruptly, causing Wooyoung to fall off him with a pained grunt. San blinked his eyes a few times, trying to get them to work properly but to no avail. He felt the bed by him dip as Wooyoung moved around to get to a sitting position.

His tired mind finally put together that it was Yeosang who had screamed. The man had run over to where Wooyoung was still half asleep and was just staring at him and San, mouth open.

“HE’S HERE?” 

“Shhhhh,” San groaned, covering his ears and falling back onto the bed, landing on his side, facing Wooyoung.

“Oh- Sorry!” Yeosang smiled sheepishly as Wooyoung and San just blinked at him, neither one entirely awake yet.

“‘s fine,” San waved his hand dismissively.

“Hey, Sangie,” Wooyoung smiled sleepily.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” Yeosang whisper screamed in his excitement, which was a step up from him actually screaming, but San thought it was still too loud for this time of morning.

“What happened is everyone ok???” A panicked Hongjoong asked, arriving out of breath at the door. “I heard a scream?”

“It’s all good here,” Yeosang told him, looking a little embarrassed.

“Oh hey!” Hongjoong perked up when he saw Wooyoung falling back asleep, leaning against the headboard. “You’re home!”

San sleepily wondered why Hongjoong wasn’t more shocked, but he decided that was a problem for later. Right now he just wanted the leader and Yeosang to leave so he could go back to sleep.

Much to his dismay, Seonghwa showed up. 

“Wooyoung! Hey!” He smiled cheerfully, as always. Wooyoung waved at him before sliding down the head board so he was laying back next to san.

“Come back later,” he groaned, pulling the sheets over his and San’s heads.

“Oh ok-“ Yeosang’s voice came from outside the sheets. 

San kept his eyes on Wooyoung. His light purple hair was all over the place again, and he kept his eyes closed. San reached out and carefully tucked his hair out of his eyes. Wooyoung didn’t react at all, he must’ve fallen asleep.

Slowly the voices of the other three faded away and San heard as the door closed behind them. Wooyoung made no move to remove the sheet from over their heads, confirming San’s suspicion that he’d fallen asleep. He carefully pulled the sheet back and closed his eyes when he felt the cool air coming from the air conditioner. 

It was already 10 in the morning but fuck it, San was going back to sleep. Right before his eyes closed, Wooyoung moved closer to him, burying his face in San’s chest and wrapping his arms around the older’s waist. It made San’s breath hitch at first, but once he got used to it he smiled before pressing a kiss into the other’s hair. This was nice. He could get used to this. 

_ Now all he had to do was tell Wooyoung how he felt- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ; —;


End file.
